How to Find Your People in Spain: An Expat's Guide to Real Community

OK I want to be completely honest with you for a second...

the hardest part of moving to Spain wasn't the visa. It wasn't learning Spanish. It wasn't even figuring out how to ship our two rescue dogs across the ocean (although honestly that was a NIGHTMARE — don't get me started).

The hardest part started way before we ever got on the plane. The hardest part was going through the entire process alone...

When we told people we were moving to Spain, it was like we could see it on their faces. My parents thought we were insane. They literally asked us to just wait a year. Our friends in Kansas were excited for us — or at least they said the right things — but I could tell they didn't really get it. They didn't share the same dream. They couldn't fully understand why we'd leave everything behind for something so uncertain. And because we didn't have anyone to relate with, we felt alone.  We were chasing this massive, life-changing dream but no one around us truly understood it.

When we finally achieved our dream and made the move from Lawrence, Kansas to Logroño, Spain in September 2021, I was seven months pregnant with our first baby. We had four suitcases, two rescue dogs, about $45,000 in savings, and this wild belief that we could just... start over in another country. And we did. But that feeling of doing it alone? It didn't go away once we changed time zones.

Because when we got to Spain, everything was already so new — the language, the culture, the grocery stores, public transportation, ALL of it. Just finding our rhythm and a sense of comfort with our new everyday lives was a challenge.  So when it came to making friends, honestly... it was really challenging the first year.  It was also exhausting in a way I wasn't prepared for.  Sure we met other expats from the U.S. living in Spain, but finding real connection wasn't easy, especially with locals. 

If you're reading this and thinking "oh god, that's going to be me" — or if you're already there and this IS you... I want you to know something: it gets better. And you absolutely do not have to figure this out alone.

Here's everything I've learned about finding your people when you move to Spain.

Why This Loneliness Hits Different

Here's the thing nobody puts on their Instagram. You can be living your absolute dream life — afternoon walks down cobblestone streets, amazing food, your kid playing in plazas until 9pm — and still feel incredibly isolated.

And here's what's wild: for a lot of people, this feeling didn't start in Spain. It started back home.

I talk to people all the time who tell me that one of the reasons they're drawn to Spain is because they feel so disconnected where they live. The culture in the U.S. can be so isolating. Everyone's in their cars, in their houses, living these separate little lives. Some of our closest friends back in Kansas — when I asked them how often they spend time with their friends— they said "what friends?" And then there's the added bonus that it usually takes weeks of planning to actually get together.

So people come to Spain craving connection and a sense of community... of belonging. That, "everyone's outside at 8pm and your neighbors actually know your name" life. And Spain delivers on that — eventually. But there's also this gap between arriving and actually feeling like you belong. And that gap can be really really hard.

When you move to a new country, you lose your entire support system overnight. Your best friend isn't down the street anymore. Your mom can't stop by or help with the kids. And it's not that they don't support you. It's that they can't relate to what you're dealing with anymore. They have no idea how to give you advice on how to get your empadronamiento for example.

And nobody warns you about this because everyone's too busy posting sunset photos and saying "best decision ever!" (And look — it IS the best decision ever. But it's also the hardest thing you'll ever do. Both things are true.)

The Friendship Timeline Nobody Warns You About

When we first moved, I thought I'd have friends within a couple of weeks. Like, how hard could it be? I'm friendly! I talk to literally everyone!

Turns out, making real friends as an adult in a foreign country is a whole different ballgame. Here's the timeline that nobody tells you about:

Month 1-3: The honeymoon. Everything is exciting. You're exploring. You're posting beautiful photos. You don't notice the loneliness as much because everything is new and the adrenaline is carrying you.  You also start meeting other foreigners because you share similar experiences but the connections are surface level.

Month 3-6: The crash. The novelty wears off. You realize you haven't had a real, deep conversation with anyone in weeks. You start comparing your social life here to what you thought it was going to be like. This is where most people hit a wall.

Month 6-12: The rebuilding. You start putting yourself out there — language exchanges, school events, just saying yes to things. You have some awkward coffees. Some connections fizzle. But a few start to stick. However, real connection with locals is still hard to come by. 

After the first year: The real test. This is the part nobody talks about. After our first year, we seriously questioned whether or not we made the right decision. The initial excitement was gone, the hard stuff was piling up, and we had to decide if we were going to stay and fight for this life or go back. We stayed. And the people who came into our lives during that time, after that first year — those are our people now. 

I'm telling you this not to scare you — but to give you perspective based on our experience and the stories we have heard from others. So if you haven't met your people within the first few months, you don't need to start doubting your decision. You didn't. You're right on schedule.

8 Real Ways to Meet People in Spain (That Actually Work)

I've been in Spain since 2021 and I've talked to loads expats about this. Here's what actually works — not the generic "join a club!" advice, but the real stuff:

1. Learn Spanish in a group class — (or a virtual one before you move.) Duolingo is great but it won't introduce you to anyone. A local language school puts you in a room with other people who are also figuring this out. Some of our closest friends in Spain started as classmates in our Spanish course. Plus, making mistakes together is the fastest bonding experience ever. And if you're not in Spain yet? Join a virtual Spanish classroom. You get the same thing — you're in a room (even if it's a virtual one) meeting and connecting with people who share the same goal. That matters more than you think.

2. Become a regular somewhere. Pick ONE cafe. ONE bakery. ONE bar. Go there at the same time, multiple days a week. In Spain, regulars are treated like family. Within a few weeks, the owner will know your name, your order, and will start introducing you to other regulars. This is how Spanish social life actually works.

3. Stay for the playground. If you have kids, this one's huge. It's not easy by any means — school drop-off and pickup can feel intimidating when you barely speak the language. But just staying after school for even 10-15 minutes and letting your kid play with the other kids on the playground has made such a difference for us. You don't need to have a full conversation in Spanish. Just being there, showing up consistently, letting your kids play together — the parent friendships follow naturally. It changed things for both of us.

4. Do something you're already good at. Padel, running, yoga, hiking — whatever you already enjoy and feel good doing. Don't try to learn a brand new sport while also navigating a new language and culture. Pick the thing where you already feel like yourself, and go do that thing in Spain. When you show up confident, it's so much easier to connect. Trust me on this one.

5. Be careful with Facebook groups and WhatsApp chats. You're going to find them — there's one for every city and region in Spain. And look, they can be useful for quick things like restaurant recommendations or "where do I buy this." But just be careful. We've seen people get some really horrible advice in those groups — visa information that was completely wrong, tax info that was outdated, things that could actually mess up your move. And the bigger thing is, you don't really build meaningful community from them. It's mostly people posting anonymously trying to find information. Nobody really knows each other. Nobody's invested. It's information, not connection — and there's a huge difference. Just please don't make any major life decisions based on a Facebook comment.

6. Bring people together — it doesn't have to be at your apartment...in fact, we have never been to most of our friends apartments!  But we love bringing people together. We are not, however, in the "hosting" phase of our lives — not unless you want Mickey Mouse playing in the background and monster trucks as table centerpieces. So instead, we pick our favorite bar, restaurant or playground, throw out a time, and just say "we'll be here, come hang out." That's it. No cooking, no cleaning, no stress. And it works. My friend Ella actually IS an incredible host and does the whole dinner-at-her-place thing — and the people who do that naturally build community so fast. But if that's not you right now, just be the person who picks the spot and says "let's meet here." That energy of bringing people together matters way more than where it happens.

7. Find your people BEFORE you move. This is the one I wish someone had told me. If you can connect with people who share your dream of moving to Spain — or who are a few steps ahead of you — before you actually get on the plane, everything changes. You arrive already knowing people. You have someone to text when you're lost at the immigration office. You have someone who gets it. This is the number 1 thing we wish we would have done differently.

8. Join a community.  We have lived in Spain for almost 5 years now and we could never find exactly what we were looking for here in Spain.  A community of people you can relate to and connect with that are all at different stages of the same journey. A community made up of both foreigners and Spanish locals. A place where you can get accurate information directly from trusted experts so you don't have to spend hours searching for answers only to find loads of contradicting information. We couldn't find this community we were looking for...and that's why we created Mr. Amigo.

Why We Built Mr. Amigo

We built Mr. Amigo because we've been exactly where you are.

We were craving something that could help with ALL parts of the journey of moving to Spain. Not just "here's a visa checklist." ALL of it — the dreaming, the planning, the terrifying leap, the landing, the rebuilding, the "is this really what we want?" moments, the finding your footing, the finally feeling like you belong.

After we'd been here for a while, we started hearing the same thing over and over. People in our DMs saying "this is my dream too but I don't know how to get started — how did you do it?" People who felt exactly like we did — alone in their dream, wishing they had someone who understood them.

And we realized: what if we could just connect all of these people together? All these people who share the same dream, at every stage of making it happen — what if they could find each other?

That's Mr. Amigo. It's the community we wished had existed when we moved.

Here's what makes it different from anything else out there:

People who are dreaming and planning their move can ask real questions and get real answers from people who've actually done it. No more going down Google rabbit holes at midnight wondering if you're crazy.

People who just arrived in Spain can find their footing with support from people who remember exactly how overwhelming those first few months are.

Expats who've been here for years can share what they've learned and connect with new friends. We're building dedicated channels for expat communities all across Spain so you can find people in YOUR area.

Trusted experts that we know personally — like our immigration lawyer Alejandro — are part of the community. These aren't random people from the internet. These are professionals we work with closely every single week to make sure our amigos are taken care of. When someone in Mr. Amigo gets visa advice from Alejandro we know it will save them months of confusion. We also trust him with our own family's immigration process.

Spanish locals who actually want to connect with you. This is the one that makes us different from everyone else. We're actively building something where it's not just expats talking to expats. It's expats connecting with Spanish people who want to welcome them into their communities. Because that's how you actually belong somewhere — not by staying in an expat bubble, but by being part of the real fabric of where you live.

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

We already have members who found out they both lived in Kansas, met up in real life, and are now actively helping each other get to Spain faster — because they found each other through Mr. Amigo before they even moved. That's the whole point.

If you only take away one thing from this entire article I hope it's this:

Moving to Spain is one of the most exciting things you'll ever do. It will also be one of the hardest. And the difference between "I love it here" and "I don't know if I can do this" usually comes down to one thing: people.

Not the country. Not the cost of living. Not the weather. People.

So...Find your people — whether that's through a language class, a neighborhood cafe, the school playground, or a community like ours. Just don't try to do this alone.

We did. It was really hard. 0/10, do not recommend.

So if you want to find people to share the journey with...